"Oh, they've encased him in carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is." {Bounty Hunter Breakfast Burritos}

Weekdays get pretty nuts at our house (your house, too?) and despite my best efforts there just isn't enough time to cook a hot fresh meal every morning. I also hate that on many days Jedi Dad is up WAY earlier than the rest of us and often has to settle for peanut butter and jelly as he rushes out the door (because you know I'm not getting up to cook that early... love you, Honey!...). 

When I was a kid my mom used to circumvent this problem by making breakfast burritos for my dad on the weekends and then freeze them so he could grab them all week and have a hot, homemade meal that she could sleep through (a genius, that woman!). 

These burritos are my take on a classic favorite. They are high in Vitamin A, Calcium, and Iron, have a whopping 12.2g of Fiber and 27.7g of Protein, and at less than 300 calories each, they will fill you up without weighing you down!

You can take about an hour of your time to make these on the weekend, wrap them up and throw them in the freezer and then when you miss the alarm Thursday morning, you won't have to skip breakfast or ((worse, eek!)) drive through the golden arches.

Bounty Hunter Breakfast Burritos  get it? because they're frozen!  (makes 12)

What goes in it?

1 Sweet Potato skin-on, shredded (pull out that food processor and run it through the cheese grater blade) or very finely chopped

1 cup of raw organic baby spinach, chopped

1 medium sweet onion, finely chopped

Lawry's Season Salt

Onion Powder

Fresh Ground Black Pepper -ya know, from a pepper mill not a shaker

8 slices of turkey bacon, crumbled-I use Butterball Everyday turkey bacon 

9.5 oz of ground turkey sausage -this can be hard to find in the meat section of most grocery stores, so I use one package of Jimmy Dean Hearty Sausage Crumbles

12 extra large eggs (see egg white substitution note at the bottom)

1 cup of fat free shredded cheddar cheese

3/4c 2% milk Shredded Mexican Four Cheese Blend

3/4c 2% milk Mozzerella Cheese

2 tbsp Light Butter -I use Land O'Lakes Light butter with Canola Oil. 

1 tbsp of Olive Oil

12 large low carb, high fiber wrap -I use La Tortilla Company Smart and Delicious tortillas, they're DELICIOUS and even my kids love them. 

You'll also need a high quality plastic wrap and a couple of large (gallon size) freezer safe zipper bags. 

What do I do?

Pre-cook your bacon and let it drain and dry. You want to make sure it's nice and crispy. For those of you who have never cooked turkey bacon before, it takes a little longer to cook and has less fat so you'll want to use a good non-stick skillet and cook it carefully over a low-medium heat turning it often. *Tip, you can chop your bacon slices before you cook them so that they're already in little bits and ready to go, just make sure you cook ALL the little bits well. 

If you bought uncooked sausage you'll want to cook that into crumbles now, too, and let it drain (if you buy the turkey sausage links make sure you remove the casings).

Set the meat aside.

Crack your eggs into a medium mixing bowl and whisk with a fork until yolks and eggs whites are combined evenly. Stir in your shredded fat free cheese. 

In a large non-stick skillet over medium heat, drizzle half of your olive oil onto the bottom and add in 1 tbsp of your light butter. Once the butter is almost melted and your pan is hot pour in your eggs and cheese. Sprinkle in some pepper to taste and then scramble using a rubber spatula, being careful to cook your eggs all they way through. 

Set the eggs aside.

In a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat, drizzle the other half of your olive oil onto the bottom and then add in the rest of your light butter. Once the butter is almost melted and your pan is hot add in your onion, spinach and sweet potato and add season salt, onion powder and pepper to taste. Cook until the onions start to sizzle and the spinach begins to wilt, stirring frequently (do not cover, the onions will be moist and you want to let all the water steam out). 

Add your bacon and sausage and reduce heat to low-medium. Continue to cook until it's hot all the way through and your sweet potato bits are soft. Stir frequently to keep food from sticking to the bottom of your pan and burning.

Add your scrambled eggs and mix just until all ingredients are combined.

Remove from heat. 

This is the filling for your burritos.

As you are allowing your filling to cool a bit, put your 2% Mexican and mozzarella cheeses into a medium bowl and stir them up. Then grab your tortillas/wraps. 

You'll spoon about 1 tbsp of your 2% cheeses onto the bottom of your wrap and spread it out, then add your filling (it's about 1/2 cup of filling per burrito) and then top with 1 tbsp of the 2% cheeses and roll it up! (Fold in the sides and then roll away from you). 

Wrap each burrito tightly in plastic wrap, making sure to cover completely. 

Once they are wrapped, but them in your freezer safe zipper bags (you can fit 6 burritos in each bag). Seal the bags, making sure to squeeze out the air, and then pop them in the freezer! You're done! 

When you're ready to eat them just vent or remove your plastic wrap, pop them in the microwave and bring them back to life faster than Han Solo defrosting from carbonite! 

*For optimal freshness try to enjoy them within about a month of making them (add the date you made them to the outside of your zipper bags to eliminate confusion). 

There you have it. A great breakfast that your family will love and you will feel happy to feed them! 

*Switch your eggs for egg whites to save you 186 mg of cholesterol and 63 calories per burrito!

“Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they…if once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will…”

I've encountered some very disturbing behavior lately. 

Recently, I've witnessed more than a few examples of  blatant bullying, tangible teasing, mean-spirited mocking, and ringing rudeness. Now, rudeness itself is nothing new, people are rude all the time. Heck, I'm rude every day until at least halfway through my first cup of coffee. This particular series of indiscretions is striking however, one, because it's starting to look like a pretty disgusting pattern, and two, because despite it's extremely childish and immature nature it's not coming from kids, it's coming from other adults and, most specifically, other MOMS!! 

Now, let's be honest, we all know that girls of all ages can be capable of some pretty grandiose displays of "diva". As a group, we ladies are known for, at least occasionally, being catty, competitive and conniving. It's nothing new to overhear two moms in a Starbucks play can-you-top-this over everything from who has the nicer stroller to which kid starting pooping solids first. For whatever reason, maybe deeply ingrained insecurity, we can't seem to pass up an opportunity to be superior. (Before you start drafting hate mail, I know that men feel insecure and get competitive, and I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but you have to admit that we women have earned a reputation for our very unique brand of passive aggressiveness.) 

As we grow and become adult women, we learn (from our mothers and theirs before them) how to be just snooty enough to satiate that little green monster inside us but we've sort of collectively agreed to draw the line at outright meanness (it's like an unspoken girl code etiquette of bitchiness). 

Heck, mastering the charm of the back-handed compliment is the crowning achievement of a true southern belle! The best of us even have the fine art of snark down to nothing but a look (commonly known as "Bitch face"). After all, as Kathy Griffin says, "This is the South, we have manners! We talk about you behind your back!" 


However, as our culture becomes less face-to-face and more Facebook, the nature of our interactions with each other is evolving. It used to be the case that moms, especially stay-at-home moms, had to get together in person to socialize their children and themselves. Now we have social media in our hands at all times and it is changing the way we interact with each other. 

You've probably noticed that people seem a lot more courageous on the internet. We've all seen people "comment" things that they NEVER would have said to someone in person. Subtlety has become a lost art. If we think we may have crossed the line we can throw in an "LOL" or a Smiley Face / Winky emoticon and then fall back on "I was just kidding" if someone actually has the nerve to get their feelings hurt. 

We've even developed a new brand of passive aggressive communication: the meme. 

It's the ultimate way to vaguebook. We cloud our insults and self-importance in comedy and overly-generalized comments paired with funny and ironic images that could or could not be about anyone or everyone, and then we sit back dare people to get offended. 

I'm just as guilty of this as the next guy, I'm sorry to say. My sense of humor is founded largely on sarcasm so I can appreciate a good, spirited jab and it takes an awful lot to truly offend me. Sometimes I just think this inane stuff is hilarious and I'll be the first to admit that I've often had the attitude that if someone can't take a joke it's their problem and they shouldn't be so sensitive. Which, ironically, is not at all the way I would actually behave in person. In reality, I'm a bit of a people-pleaser and it truly distresses me if I think I've hurt someone. 

I recently had a bit of a wake up call after a conversation with my very sweet and conservative aunt, who was offended by the language in  some of the things I was "liking" and "sharing". 

I thought she was confused about how Facebook works and I tried to explain to her that just because I hit the "like" button on something doesn't mean I generated it (aka, not responsible for it). She stated very simply that it didn't really look like much of a difference.  If I'm liking and sharing things that I know will show up to others with my name next to it, then it really doesn't matter if I'm the one who "created" it, it's still coming from me.  

I'll be honest, my first thought was hey, I'm an adult, it's a PERSONAL page and all my "friends" are adults, if she doesn't like it she can get over it. Sound familiar? That's the way of the web, isn't it? I'll do what I want and if other people don't like it they can pack sand.  And you know what, people have every right to make that choice, as long as they are comfortable with the truth, that they'll be alienating people. 


The more I thought about what my aunt said, the more I realized that my behavior on the internet really is a reflection of who I am just as much as my behavior anywhere else. I also considered the fact that I truly don't want to offend her or any of my other loved ones who may not share my often twisted sense of humor (just because I like a thing, doesn't mean I ALWAYS have to hit 'like' and 'share' it). 

In addition to that, I was raised to be a person of integrity. I know that there's a time and a place for certain behavior, yet for some reason I wasn't behaving quite as deliberately online. I wasn't posting graphic nudity or anything I considered to be vulgar, and I wasn't the one creating the images/posts/etc. with the foul language.  so it never occurred to me that I should take any responsibility for my involvement in it. 

I wasn't really giving any thought to my actions, despite knowing that I have a very wide variety of contacts that are exposed to my online activities. I always thought of it as "just facebook", so I never took it that seriously and I wasn't really considering the message I was sending to others (I figured that only mattered if you were trying to get a job or something). 

But that's the thing, isn't it? The internet is still REAL LIFE. Your actions on the internet are still your actions. 

Sobering thought for some of us, isn't it?!

Now, this offense of mine was relatively minor in the grand scheme of all things internet. It was an accidental result of careless behavior, but it certainly wasn't mean spirited. 
(Spoiler alert: casual disregard breeds active disrespect, which is a gateway drug to bullying.)


What really concerns me is that out of this culture of carelessness and "if you don't like it, don't read it" there is a growing phenomenon of increasing audacity! It's as if we are starting to truly believe that once we are behind a computer screen we aren't accountable for our behavior, especially when it comes to what we "say" to other people. 

As if it wasn't bad enough, things really start to escalate when we branch out of our personal pages and join other groups and communities where most of the people we're interacting with are strangers to us. If we thought we actually had to see them again, we may at least think twice about what we're saying and doing. However, as soon as we are in an environment where we know we'll most likely never have to meet any of these people "in real life"there starts to be a serious breakdown in human decency.  

Perhaps, since most of us were first exposed to technology as children playing video games, we have no frame of reference for taking it seriously. Maybe that's why as long we are hiding behind the glass of our computers, we treat our interactions like a video game where the people aren't real, their feelings don't matter and our actions have no consequences. 

Who cares if I throw a bomb at her? She's got like 6 lives left and she'll just regenerate in the next level!



Speaking of people who play video games...

I recently submitted this photo and caption to a page I like that is directed at moms who play video games and have kids that play video games:

Last night I programmed my kids' tablets so they only get 2 hours of screen time. After that the only apps they can access are learning and reading apps. This also applied to the Xbox, the rule being that a timer on the tablet tracks the Xbox use and applies it to the Screen Time total. So, what happens when the kids have to get creative with their free time??? THIS.        ‪#‎skylanders‬ ‪#‎notallgamingisdigital‬

*For those of you that are confused, this is a princess castle that my daughter was playing with. My son decided to bring his Skylanders to join the fun. It's funny on multiple levels - the mix of "boy"/"girl" toys and my son's commitment to playing with the Skylanders even though he couldn't play the Skylanders video game. 

The page shared my post on their wall as a "Fan Share" for the other members of the page to view. Most of the other moms on the page enjoyed the post and thought it was funny, and more than a few wanted to know which app I used so they could use it, too (it's for android and it's called Screen Time, but if you just do a search for 'parental control app' in your play store dozens of options will pop up). Those that were uninterested or didn't like it simply ignored the post. Well, most of them.

Not so surprisingly , there were a few moms who just couldn't help themselves. (Oh, look! An opportunity to be superior!)

One Mom said: My daughter has this castle  she loves it. I would never ever give my kids a tablet or anything like that though. That's just wrong in my opinion. Kids need an imagination

Notice, of course, that she included the Smiley. The Smiley is the online woman's "bless your heart".  She has now assumed carte blanche to criticize my parenting. This broke the ice for a few of the other moms to chime in with her and I was starting to feel a bit ganged up on. 

(Side note: If you're offended by the idea of a kid playing with a tablet, why are you on a page for moms of kids who play video games? Like many other insults, it's probably just misplaced insecurity as she's clearly just jealous of my awesome Gryffindor Snuggie). 

It really irks me when other moms can't be supportive of each other! There's nothing that's quite as frustrating as being judged on your parenting skills by someone who knows nothing about you. I expect other moms, of all people, to be empathetic and considerate of this, and to be kind (yes, I know, I live in a fairy tale, but a girl can dream, can't she?!). Here I am on a page DEVOTED TO MOTHERS, a community dedicated to bringing moms with similar interests together. It should have been a safe place and it wasn't. (Is nothing sacred, ladies??) 

So, despite my not owing her an explanation, I felt I wanted to make a point and perhaps get Judgey McPerfect-Mom to think before she posts next time. 

So, I posted this reply: And to those who judge, My daughter is autistic. The tablet was purchased as part of her therapy. My son got one because he's constantly getting the short end of the stick as she consumes so much of our time and attention and well, we just felt that time it should be fair.

She didn't really respond (which indicates that she perhaps had the decency to be embarrassed if not the good sense to apologize) but other moms rallied around me in a show of support, which was nice to see. 

Problem solved, right? 

Well, no. AFTER this interaction, on the very same post, another mom went off on a fairly sizable, and down-right mean, rant (that can't be directly quoted since it was removed by the page moderators). She glanced at the picture and then proceeded to opine that she couldn't understand what the big deal was. She essentially wanted to know (rhetorically) why the page would post a picture of a kid playing with dolls in dollhouse. "That's how dolls are meant to be played with." She said that she didn't see why anyone was impressed that a kid could play with a toy the way it was made to be played with. She even had the brass cajones to acknowledge, in a very dismissive and derisive aside, that yeah, well, maybe if the kid is autistic it's a big deal, but seriously why does everyone else care, are your kids seriously that tuned in to video games that we think it's a big deal when they play with real toys, etc. etc. 

I'm not making this up. This went on for four paragraphs. 

This was no subtle display of disapproval, this was flat out offensive. She was rude, mean, hurtful, and, on top of that, she was wrong. She didn't look at the picture long enough to notice the Skylanders (or was ignorant about what Skylanders are) and consequentially, didn't "get" the joke. She spoke harshly and without all the facts (speaking out of turn, oh the great Achilles Heel of all creatures with language) and made herself look pretty absurd when all the other moms jumped to my rescue. 

It's really hard to be a mom, no matter what your situation is. Parenting decisions are deeply personal and we have all, at one time or another, encountered unfair and unproductive criticism. Even the strongest of us are going to respond emotionally  to attacks on our mothering and on our children (this often referred to as "mama bear mode" -that's not an accident). If ANYONE can understand that and be supportive, it should be other mothers. That is why it seemed so truly sad when this happened to me. The more I thought about this incident, the more upset I became. It occurred to me that if people can find a way to be hurtful and cruel over something as truly innocent as a picture of Skylanders in a princess castle, how would they behave in a situation that really mattered? 

I know it wasn't just me and it wasn't just that time, because I've seen it happen before. God forbid you post that you're not breastfeeding your new baby or post a picture of your kid eating non-organic hot dogs! Don't worry, someone will come along and shame you into submission, or at the very least validate your concerns that you might be a bad mom (because, don't we all feel that way sometimes). We're hard enough on ourselves, the last thing we need is someone coming in and picking at us. It's disgusting! I feel sick to think that unlike the mothers that came to my rescue, I have probably witnessed this type of thing on more than a few occasions and, out of fear of opening myself up to the attacks, done nothing about it. 

It was equally disconcerting to note that even some of the moms who "stood up" for me were behaving just as badly as the rude mom. One mother called her the "turd in the punch bowl". Sort of the pot calling the kettle black at that point, isn't it? 

When we fight bullying with more bullying all we're doing is perpetuating the cycle and nobody wins. 

This problem is not new and it's getting worse at an alarming rate. 

As I was researching this troubling trend I came across The Mom Pledge. 

The Mom Pledge was created by writer and mother Elizabeth Flora Ross, who was so bothered by this rapidly growing phenomenon that she decided to take action. 

"The Mom Pledge is about women standing up, speaking out, and coming together to end cyber bullying among moms, fostering respect, understanding and acceptance. http://themompledge.com/" *taken from The Mom Pledge Facebook Page. 

You should go find The Mom Pledge on Facebook and share it with all your mom (and future mom) friends. It's message couldn't be more important. 

The Mom Pledge is this:

The Mom Pledge


I am a proud to be a mom. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my online activities. I can lead by example.

I know my children learn from my attitudes and actions. I promise to model respectful, compassionate behavior. It starts with me.

I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, "right" way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.

I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.

I stand up against cyber bullying. My online space reflects who I am and what I believe in. I will not tolerate comments that are defamatory, hateful or threatening.

I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks with no mention or response. I can take control.

I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.

I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.*

*taken from the description under the "about" section of The Mom Pledge Facebook page.

Sounds pretty awesome to me! Where do I sign?

All jokes aside, whether we're speaking in thinly veiled insults and back-handed compliments or we're being directly, deliberately hurtful and aggressive, it's wrong. 

Playful and even sarcastic banter with trusted friends and family is one thing. Mean spirited disrespect and caustic words are another.

It's time to decide that not only are we grown women, we are mothers raising the next generation. That's a huge responsibility. And when we behave poorly to each other, what's the message that we're sending our kids? 

*this is a pretty awesome blog about the very same problem-----> Mom Bullies

"Control, control. You must learn control."

Jedi Mom Tip of the Week: Discipline, Consistency and the Time-out Towel

A Jedi must be skilled in may ways, but above all, he must master the art of Self-Discipline. This is a key component of becoming a Jedi Master and your job is to teach this to your little padawan younglings. Before they can become proficient in Self-Discipline, you must show them what Discipline looks like. 

Discipline can be a tricky concept, whether your kids are "normally developing/neurotypical" or special needs in some way. But there are some basic parenting truths that transcend almost any challenge your child can throw at you. 

One of them is CONSISTENCY. This is the most effective parenting strategy in the playbook. The best part is, it's FREE. The challenging part is, it's the hardest one to master. Kids have this way of knowing exactly which buttons of ours to push, and some kids are natural-born-Olympic-button-pushers. That being said, the only way to maintain control of your house, and your sanity, is to be consistent. 



All that really means is, DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO. You must be deeply committed to your standards as a parent and you must be willing to hold your kids to a standard. It's a scary line to walk as a parent. We don't want to put so much pressure on our kids that we doom them to failure, but if you don't treat your kids as though you expect them to be smart, to follow rules, to behave and learn, it will teach them that they are incapable of these things. Your children are bright and capable. Have high expectations for them. It's okay. Treat them like the people you want them to become and show them that you know they can do it by expecting them to. 

We've all met those parents, the ones who make dozens of empty threats but never follow through. They are full of I'm-warning-you's and If-you-do-that-one-more-time's, they holler and stamp their feet and get angry, but they never actually do anything more than pump out hot air.

Or maybe you've been at the park with that passive aggressive mom, who really wants to be the boss but genuinely can't stand the thought of sounding "mean" or causing her kids to "hate" her. It's time to leave but her child just isn't ready to go. She'll warn, she'll try to reason with her kid. "Okay, honey, ten more minutes and then we'll go?" - "Jimmy, seriously sweetie, it's time to go now." - "Lisa, baby, don't make me count." They talk in a voice that's coated in chocolate and covered in sugar and their kids just eat them for dinner. 

Heck, let's be honest, I don't think I have ever met a single parent that hasn't done this at least once.

But your kids will never take you seriously if you don't take yourself seriously. And it's your job to teach your kids that there are boundaries, that life isn't always going to cater to them and entertain them, and that there are consequences for their actions.

Mom, listen up, setting clear guidelines for your child and then sticking with them isn't mean. It's not always your job to be fun. It is, however, up to you to raise a functioning, well rounded, independent person. So cut yourself some slack and don't be afraid to stand your ground. 

So, where do I start? 

HOUSE RULES BOARD:
First, are the rules at your house clear? 
How can your child know what's expected if you're not making it clear. Just because you think that good or acceptable behavior is obvious, doesn't mean that it is to your children. "No Biting" may seem like an obvious rule. But if your 3yo just bit your 6yo, then that's a clear indication it's not obvious to her. So, set some clear boundaries and put them in writing. 

When your children are young, make them simple and easy, four or five basic concepts that are broad enough to encompass a multitude of behaviors but specific enough to be clear. If you are too broad it will confuse your child, If you are too specific, your child will find a loop hole. 
Here are some examples, and why they work (but seriously, do whatever works best in your house):

1. Have Happy Hands -This can apply to violence towards others or damage to property, so it encompasses a lot of scenarios.

2. Use Nice Words -This can mean things like "no naughty words" or "no name calling", but it can also mean "no arguing with mommy". It can also apply to tone of voice - see, versatility.

3. Use Listening Ears -Teaching your child to pay attention and make eye contact will do wonders for you... I promise. If you give your child an instruction, make sure they heard you by getting down to their level, making eye contact, speaking clearly and then ask them to repeat you. This is also about following directions.


4. No Whining -Don't wrap this up with "nice words", it's almost always a big enough issue that it warrants special attention. If you think you don't have a whiny child, give it time, you will.


If your child has a specific issue that keeps recurring, feel free to add that, but choose your battles. So, if your kid is sometimes too rough with your family pet, even after warnings, that falls under "Happy Hands" and "Listening ears", but if your kid is biting people, a lot, you may want to give "No Biting" it's own line. 

Sit down together and make your rules board (poster board, markers). Write the rules clearly and explain them to your child. If your child can't read, you'll want to add pictures that help provide them with a VISUAL CUE of the rule. Have your child help you match the pictures to the rules and then tape or glue them to your board next to the rule they match. Then maybe your child can decorate the rule board with stickers or glitter. 

*Making them a part of the process also helps them take ownership of the rules and teaches them a sense of personal responsibility (remember, we are teaching our children Self-Discipline by using effective Parental Discipline).


As your child gets older and his understanding and language become more complex, feel free to be more specific about your rules, but in a household with young children this same set of rules that you create can apply to everyone. 

**Make sure your rules are realistic and something that you can and WILL follow up with. Also make sure that you're going to follow the rules, too. Don't say, "Use nice words" and then scream at your kids or call them names. Lead by example. 

IMPORTANT: Pick your battles. Try to remember, they're KIDS. They have a TON of energy, their emotions are all over the place and they're still learning this stuff. Be patient. This is NOT your excuse to freak out every time your kids are being, well, kids. Time-Out is for behavior that is serious and needs correction. If you use Time-Out for every little time your kids are loud, irritating or just acting like kids, it will confuse them and it won't be effective. Be attentive and present when you are with your children. If you think a situation is escalating, assess it. If your kids are just being rowdy kids, or maybe you're feeling tired or crabby, try gentle reminders like "please use your inside voice" or redirecting their behavior before it escalates further by taking a break for snack time or sending them outside. 

Hang your rules up where everyone can see them clearly.

So what happens when Tina breaks a rule? 

TIME-OUT: 

Give ONE warning. 
Make it CLEAR. 
Get down on your child's level, look them in the eye (maybe ask them to "turn on their listening ears") and tell them, "This is your warning. Throwing your sister's toys is not acceptable. Next time you will go to Time-Out." 

Drop the tone of your voice and make sure your voice is even and stern (ladies, do not do that thing where you end every sentence like it's a question, and NO BABY TALK.) No need to yell or scream. If you feel angry, control your emotions (remember, we lead by example, if you throw a tantrum, she will, too). 

Now here's where CONSISTENCY comes in (see above). If she throws even ONE MORE of her sister's toys, you will go and gently but firmly take her by the hand and walk her to the time-out spot. (Remember, only ONE warning. You're serious. Stand your ground.)

Get down to her level, make eye contact, and firmly and clearly tell her, "Throwing your sister's toys is a wrong choice. In this house, we use Happy Hands. You are in time-out, you can get up in X minutes when the timer beeps." 
Then WALK AWAY and leave her there. (Make sure when you're telling them what NOT TO DO, you also remind them what they CAN DO. And using the same language you used on your HOUSE RULES BOARD will reinforce those concepts.) 

How long should time-out last? 
A good rule of thumb is one minute for every year of the child's age.  (4 minutes for a 4yo.)

What happens if she won't stay in time-out?
She won't. At least not at first. Expect that. 

WARNING: Your kids will HATE this. Hang in there, stand your ground, you are the adult and you can totally win this. They may cry, they may scream, they make say very angry things to you. IGNORE THEM and KEEP YOUR COOL. 
















The FIRST time she gets up, walk her back, get down to her level, make eye contact and remind her in much more succinct way, "Tina, you are in time out for throwing toys. You must stay in time out until the timer beeps." THEN WALK AWAY and IGNORE HER.  Start the timer over. 

(Again, better to try and use positive language than negative - so, "you must stay in time out" as opposed to "you may not get up from time out" --- POSITIVE LANGUAGE is much more effective and will reinforce what you're trying to teach and will teach them use positive language, too.)

PLEASE NOTE: Your kid will probably get up more than once!

Every time she gets up after the first time, DO NOT SAY A WORD. Simply walk (or carry) her back to time out and then WALK AWAY and IGNORE HER. If she screams, ignore it. Don't respond. Don't answer her. Don't even look in her direction (she's not hurt, she's pissed off, she'll get over it, I promise. This is called PLANNED IGNORING and we can cover it in another "Jedi Mom Tip".) Then start the timer over. Don't add extra time (it's doesn't change from 4 minutes to 8 because you're angry) but make sure you start the time from the beginning when you get her back to the Spot. 

DO THIS FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES FOR HER TO STAY ON THE SPOT FOR THE ENTIRE TIME OUT. This may take ten minutes, or it may take an hour. You can expect this to take a few days, maybe a week, maybe several weeks before your child willingly accepts their fate and cooperates with you. This will vary based on your child's level of stubbornness, how new this type of clear discipline is to your household, and how consistent you are.

What happens next?
Okay, so Zack made it through the whole three minutes and didn't get up (finally, yay Mom, good for you! woooo-hooo!).  When the timer beeps, go to him, get down on his level, make eye contact and remind him gently why he was there. "Zack, yelling at Mommy is a wrong choice. I need you to use Nice Words. Please tell Mommy you're sorry." After he says he's sorry, tell him you forgive him and how much you love him, give him a big ole' hug and then MOVE ON. Go on about your day. Don't bring it up again. 

If you still FEEL frustrated, go in the other room and take a deep breath. Calm down. (We'll get you a calm down jar -ask about it if you don't know what it is). Once it's over, it's OVER. He's been successfully disciplined and we move on. Each issue is it's own. 





WHAT YOU'LL NEED:
-A TIMER
-A TIME OUT SPOT (----The Time-Out Towel---) <---click the link to find these on Amazon

You'll need a timer and a designated Time-Out spot. 

I suggest using the Timer on your phone or watch so that you will have it with you every where you go. 

Your spot should be somewhere away from the chaos but where you can still see her... the foot of the stairs, the floor by the sofa. I wouldn't suggest putting your child (especially a really young child) in a chair or on the sofa. That's an invitation to climb it, or, even worse, fling themselves from it in a fit of manipulative rage. That's why I suggest the TIME-OUT TOWEL. Put down a red towel (or whatever color, at our house we actually use a small monkey rug) or something similar that looks different than anything else in the house. 

Even if you get this down to a fine art in your home, the first time you're away from the house and the "time out spot" your kid will KNOW it and they will use that as the optimal time to test these new boundaries. 

That's the genius of the Time-Out Towel.
I say use a dish towel because you can buy them ANYWHERE, and in bulk (in case they get lost or ruined) and they're portable! You can carry them with you in your purse/car/gym bag/diaper bag etc so that you can follow through no matter where you are in the world (that's right Mom, no excuses to give in or be inconsistent). Then when your child starts really arguing with you in Walmart, you can stop the cart right there and implement Time-Out. (*If your child really starts throwing a tantrum, leave the store and finish your shopping later - more about this in another blog to come.) The more CONSISTENT you are, the faster this will work and the more effective this will be. 

HOLD THE PHONE! You want me to do this EVERYWHERE? Even in PUBLIC?!
Do you want to teach your children that you only mean what you say when it's convenient? 

But other people might stare, or even give us dirty looks?
Yep. They probably will. So what? 
Ignore them. They're not raising your children. Don't let the rudeness of other people get in the way of your excellent parenting. Maybe if their moms had been more consistent with them, they would have better manners.



So, there it is. 

And if you mess up, don't worry about it.This parenting stuff is REALLY hard!  Dust yourself off and get back on track. Stick with it. This will take a while to get it perfect, and may take days or weeks to get your kids fully on board, especially if this kind of structure is a new concept in your home, but it's WORTH IT. If your kids see that you mean business, they'll respect you and they'll appreciate the boundaries. 

Hang in there! You're doing great. 

*Note, all caregivers in the home need to be consistently following this same protocol. You're a team. Support each other. Work together, win together.