"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1."

My child is really very smart. I mean, of course I think that, right? I'm the mom. I often wonder if parents, grandparents or any close family member really knows if their kids are dumb or ugly? You all know what I'm talking about. You think your child is the most beautiful, smartest child you've ever encountered (you're supposed to). It's really easy for family to focus on the wonderful qualities of a new and growing child, we love to brag to anyone who will hold still about all the amazing and brilliant things our kids can do. We annoy our friends and loved ones (and perfect strangers) with the most gripping details about who made a stinky, who loves green beans, who just said "mamma" and boast proudly about how our little genius is clearly a future brain surgeon because look at how well she colors! But sometimes it can be harder for us to really, truly see our children.We are ready to over praise and we are even more ready to explain away faults or problems. Developmental issues can, especially in younger children, often be dismissed with an easy "Every child develops at her own pace," or troublesome behaviors are often shrouded in a, "He's all boy, isn't he?!". So what happens when there really is something wrong? I think, as a mother, you just know. You may not always be able to completely articulate what you think the problem is, and you may not voice your concern (because moms are worriers, aren't we?), but deep down, you have have this radar that just sort of "blips" when something isn't right. 

And Lorelai, she's smart, but it's the kind of smart that got my mom radar going. She was the baby who would color code all her toys, or alphabetize them. She would line up all her crayons before coloring with them. She would color code and count her Froot Loops before she'd eat them. (In hindsight it all seems very textbook, but at the time it was just sort of ... weird.) The first time she spoke to us she was about 14 months old and she looked at my mother and counted to ten. Seriously. But while everyone was amazed that she was counting (which, honestly, was really cool), it was also disconcerting that she'd been silent for so long. She waited what seemed like a long time to walk. She wouldn't sleep through the night and often had horrible night terrors. She threw violent tantrums that were dangerous to herself and those around her... and list went on. So many things just weren't adding up. We kept explaining things away, but the radar was blipping all along. 

So, about a year and a half ago  (when she was 2), I got a really stellar job at a very prestigious law firm replacing this amazing paralegal who was going off to law school. Part of that process was to get Lorelai enrolled in daycare (because apparently most law firms frown on bringing toddlers to work, no matter how smart and probably great at filing they are). So, as any parent who has ever tried to get a kid into daycare knows, we had to go to the pediatrician to get a check up and shot records and blah blah blah.  Part of the "check up" process is a "developmental milestones test". Basically, depending on the age of the child, they pull out this standardized checklist and have your kid go through each item until you hit three "no's". So, can your kid stand on one foot, recognize the letter A, see that word across the room, hear the sound of this buzzer, or whatever. Again, the tests are age-appropriate and your doctor is looking to see if your kid can get through all of the metrics that are determined "normal" for his age before you hit all three "no's". When we used to do these things with my son I thought they were silly. It never actually occurred to me that kids didn't do well on these things because what they were asking for each time seemed so basic and so in line with how any kid develops that I couldn't see the point. Enter Lorelai, stage left. Jedi Dad took her in for this check up and she didn't do very well on the ones for her age at all (which at two is mostly basic language and motor skills). So the doc decides to fast forward a few pages to the test for kids that are older and Lorelai is sailing through it. My husband, of course, does not understand the significance of any of this (neither did I for a really long time) and leaves with the proper day care forms and a referral for a Speech and Language evaluation and a Hearing test. Jedi Dad thought this was absurd. We knew she didn't have a hearing problem and how many two year old's DON'T have speech issues, they are all LEARNING to talk aren't they?! I, however, knew there must be more to it. ((blip))

When the doctor suggested we get these evaluations, Jedi Dad agreed to the evals but wrote off any concern immediately. I however, decided to do some homework. Homework is my way. That's how I process the world. I research it and study it and try to find words for it. Sometimes this is cumbersome but usually this works greatly to my advantage. One thing I will say to any parent ever... if you are worried about your children, trust your gut and DO YOUR HOMEWORK. There are a million resources at your fingertips. Use them. Talk to your Doctors. Push for answers. You are your child's best advocate. That is the reason you are her parent. 

I also had another seed that had been planted in my brain, unintentionally. When we talk about "awareness" I often wonder if we know what the impact of that is. The awesome paralegal that I was replacing has two adopted siblings that are both on the spectrum. I know this because she has the coolest tattoo on the inside of her left forearm of four brightly colored puzzle pieces. I was drawn to this tattoo within minutes of meeting her and finally asked her about it. Her story just stuck with me. So when we started this process I had that image floating around in the back of my mind ((blip)). I know when she got the tattoo she probably had no idea that someday I'd see it and it would make me aware, but I'm so glad it did. 

When we took Lor to her first evaluation, the Speech evaluation, they started asking us a lot of questions about Lorelai and her growth and development. We were answering them honestly, and they seemed innocent enough, but inside all I could hear was ((blip - blip - blip)). They scheduled us an appointment to come back and go over the results and create a therapy plan and the dots on the radar screen were starting to take shape in my head. I was up all night researching and studying and I knew in my heart, and in my stomach, that we were dealing with something big here. The next morning I called the Speech therapist back and I said, "You think she's autistic, don't you?" Quiet. "It's ok. I can handle it. I just want to know what you think."

After a long pause she said, "We aren't really qualified to give you a diagnosis, that's not what we do. But yes, that's certainly what it looks like to us and we think you should consider getting a Psychological evaluation."

I hung up and sat in my car in silence, waiting to go into work. I allowed myself one moment of sadness. One moment of quiet tears and then I locked it down. I didn't know very much at all about what we were facing but I did know that my only real choice was to be strong and push for answers. One thing I'd kept reading over and over was that early intervention was really key. I voiced my concerns to my family members. The responses ranged from, "She's fine, she's just a little behind, don't get worried over nothing" (my Dad and Jedi Dad) to "I've often wondered if there wasn't something like that going on, but I had no idea how to bring it up" (my Mom and my Aunt - see, mom radar). 

But I pushed and so we took her to a Psych eval. That doctor spent about an hour with Lorelai and me and decided "There's no way she's on the spectrum. She's a little behind but she'll catch up. But, if you're still worried in a year, by all means get another eval done" and sent us on our way. She was a very good doctor that came very highly recommended, and my Husband was thrilled to be right and thrilled to have someone who finally confirmed that I was over reacting and that his baby girl was going to be fine. And how could I blame him?! This was supposed to be great news and who am I to be a Debbie Downer? So how do you keep pushing, as a mom, knowing that something is wrong? The doctor is saying it's fine, and your family is relieved and ready to call it a done deal. Again, I will reiterate, TRUST. YOUR. GUT. I heard the doctor, I heard my family, I heard my husband, but I also heard ((blip. blip. blip. BLIP. BLIP.)). 

For a while, I kept my concerns mostly to myself. I did mention that I was still worried and that it didn't quite feel like a relief. We've all had those moments. You're sick, you go to your doctor and she says you're fine and you are simultaneously glad she found nothing wrong but also worried because you are still feeling sick... it was like that. You don't want to be a hypochondriac, but you're worried. Well, I stayed strong and I tried to let it go, but I was carrying this constant ((blip. blip. BLIP. BLIP.)) around with me. I spent a week in the hospital (stress ulcers, I know, big surprise, right?!) and between that week out and all the missed work from all the evaluations, I lost my "dream" job. Turned out I didn't have time for it anyway, we were about to get really busy. In hindsight I think the only reasons I got that job were 1) so I would need to take Lorelai for the milestones test she failed and 2) so I would meet that other paralegal and hear her story. 

So for a year I took Lorelai to therapy. We started with Speech. Then it was Speech and Language. Then it was Physical Therapy. Then it was Occupational Therapy. Hours and hours each week we spent helping her "catch up". And in a lot of ways we were making real progress. Our therapists are amazing. I truly believe that they are angels and that God put them on Earth for these children. But with all the progress it was still clear to me that we weren't really closing any gaps. She was still delayed, still behind. And her behavioral issues were coming full circle. I started seeing these violent tantrums that I hadn't seen in months, and she was getting harder and harder to deal with. And clingy... she was getting SO attached to me that I couldn't do ANYTHING. And all the while... ((blip. blip. blip. blip)). I finally begged our therapists for a referral to a behavior therapist (or a padded room) and was delighted when they said they were bringing someone on board. After probably inappropriately flirting with everyone in the office to be one of her first appointments, I finally got the chance to meet Dr. Awesome. 

She came to our house, met us on our own terms, and said she could help. She was funny, smart, genuine, likable, and concerned. She also, after several meetings and a bit of discussion, told me that I wasn't crazy. I think her exact words were, after explaining that of course we would need official testing, "If she's not on the spectrum, I'll give you my house." FINALLY!!! Someone who actually heard me, who genuinely believed me, and who could do something to really help me.  She saved us. Not just by validating my concerns (although that goes a LONG way), but by caring enough about us, about Lorelai, to help me find the truth and point us in the right direction for all the resources that Lorelai really qualifies for. She's helped open so many doors for us. (Just wait until I finish my blog on the testing and the IEP process... hahaha.) She's helped us navigate our way through a really confusing process and has been an amazing guide, connecting us with endless resources and other professionals, expanding our network of support all the time. I'm so grateful to her, and I'm so grateful to our speech therapists for seeing how great she is and connecting us to her.

So what do I say to you as a mother or father??? TRUST. YOUR. GUT. If something feels off, get it checked out. If an answer doesn't sit right with you, get a second opinion. Never let someone make you feel stupid. Better to over react and get your kids everything they need than to under react and let them fall through the gaping cracks in a crowded system. You are their voice. For many parents of autistic children, you are truly their ONLY voice. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. And never give up. You'll never be sorry for doing too much for your kids. 

"Hey, that's my dinner!" (Part 3: Sweet Potato Fries two ways)

First way: Salty
Okay, so these are REALLY easy!!!! Preheat your oven to 425. You need at least one sweet potato for each person who you are feeding (two each if you are feeding men, or me). (I stole that picture from the internet because my picture is blurry, but seriously, but mine look JUST like this.)

Wash them and cut out any icky bits, but leave the skin on. Then cut them very small and thin. Texture is a big thing with SPF because sweet potatoes are soft when they cook. If you want them to have more of a "french fry" texture, they need to be skinny and skin ON.

Put all your cut potatoes in a large bowl and drizzle on some EVOO (olive oil). You want just enough to coat the fries, if it's pooling in the bowl you have TOO much. Then sprinkle on some garlic powder, onion powder, Lawry's season salt and ground black pepper (like from a pepper grinder not from a shaker). Stir them all up until they look coated in the oil and seasonings.

Lay them out in a single layer on a non stick or coated baking sheet (or spray your baking sheet with PAM, whatever). You will bake them on the center rack for about 35-40 minutes turning them over about every 10 minutes (the ones with the skin will look a little crunchy - like the picture). If you're doing two baking sheets the baking time may vary a bit so use your best judgement.

Want a good dipping sauce that won't add a ton of calories? Put two fresh avocados (remove the skin and take out the pits) into a bowl, add 3-4 tablespoons of your favorite salsa (we like Pace) and stir it up til it's the consistency you want (you can always add more salsa).

----

Second way: Sweet

Same bake time, same preparation as far as washing and cutting. Again leave the skin on. This time, instead of tossing them in EVOO, use one stick of melted butter or margarine (adjust the amount of butter so you don't over or under do it... you want to coat the fries, not make a puddle and not soak them). Sprinkle on some cinnamon sugar (tip: use more cinnamon then sugar), a small amount of crushed cloves, and a pinch of nutmeg (clove and nutmeg optional).

Bake them the same way, until they look a bit crunchy.

Want a good dipping sauce that won't add a ton of calories? Put 8oz of FAT FREE cream cheese into a bowl, add 1 tbsp of powdered sugar and one tsp of vanilla extract and stir until it's smooth.

You're welcome.

"Hey That's my Dinner!" (Part 2: Turkey Burgers)

Okay, so as promised, I'm continuing my "mini series" on food. Because food that your family likes that is also healthy is awesome. :) Now, I do want to say, this meal was more for the adults in the family but that's just b/c the kids were eating leftovers from the Twisty Noodles .... I like to serve these with Sweet Potato Fries, and those are AWESOME and everyone in the family LOVES them (recipe to come later).

(And, again, these are not "exact measurements", use your best judgement.)

Southwest Turkey Burgers on Ciabatta rolls

For the burgers:
Dice up one half of a red onion very small and saute it in a small amount of olive oil with one clove of minced garlic until it's warm and soft and smells amazing. Set that aside.

In a bowl combine one pound of lean ground turkey, one heaping tablespoon (or two) of your favorite salsa (we like Pace Picante around here), cracked pepper, chili powder (just a little), and the onion and garlic you just cooked up. Mix it up with your hands (that's right, take off your wedding ring, you're getting dirty). This will likely be very wet and you may want to add a handful of bread crumbs for texture, I didn't mind the texture when I was mixing it up, but, in hindsight, I did think the bread crumbs wouldn't have been a bad idea, so it's up to you. Make these into patties. You'll cook them about 4-5 minutes on each side. You want all the pink juices to run out, and you don't want to flip them too often b/c they'll be really soft (hence, bread crumbs maybe), so put your heat on med-high and be patient.

For the Rolls:
Toast the ciabatta rolls (which you can buy at practically any bakery, even Wal-mart) in your broiler. Brush them with a little olive oil or light margarine if you want and just get them warm and golden, don't burn those babies, or you'll be sad.

To garnish the burgers:
In a bowl, combine one avocado and about three or four spoonfuls of that salsa and mix it up. Spread this generously on the buns instead of that mayonnaise, ranch, or sour cream you were reaching for..... *HINT: If you make extra it's a great dip for those Sweet Potato fries. :)

You can also add fresh spinach (instead of lettuce), a thin slice of tomato and/or red onion, and a squeeze of lime juice. :)

Pull the rolls out, slide the burgers out of the pan and onto the bottom slices of the rolls and then cover them with a slice of Fat Free Pepper Jack Cheese. Then stick them back in the broiler, open, for just a quick minute to melt the cheese (this also makes the soft texture of the burger no big deal b/c it holds it all together well).

Garnish the other side of the bun with your avocado salsa, top with the spinach, tomato, onion, and lime juice, and eat up. these are moist, juicy, spicy in a great way, and guilt free. you're welcome.

(sorry for the crappy picture, lol).....

"Hey, That's my Dinner!" (part 1 - Twisty Noodles)

My kids ate spinach.

No, I'm not confused. They ate spinach. And squash. and a whole lot of other awesome things for them and they had no idea.I have two of the world's pickiest children (seriously, you can ask their therapists, grandparents, aunts, uncles and any baby sitter we've ever had). They have confined their diets to Lunchables, peanut butter sandwiches  macaroni and cheese (the blue box), and chicken nuggets (like, only a few specific kinds, mostly the fast food variety). I've recently had a run of great success at dinner time, however. 

It all started when, after myriad changes and additions to the school and therapy schedules of both younglings and much discussion with Jedi Dad, we decided I would quit work entirely and do the stay at home mom thing. One of the many awesome things about this new life of mine is that I have had the opportunity to have a little fun in the kitchen. I actually had no hopes at all of getting the kids to eat any of it (they've long rejected most foods), so I figured I'd just start making things that sounded good to the Husband and me. We are both fit and we spend a lot of our time working out, but we also love to eat, so any time I can find a way to feed us that is both healthy and satisfying it's a huge win. I also figured, since I'm going to the trouble of taking more than 5 minutes to heat food I should at least offer the opportunity to eat a real home cooked meal to our children. This started on Sunday and so far I'm on an amazing winning streak. My family has been happily devouring each meal so far, and they've all been surprisingly easy to make! I've been posting "food porn" pictures on my Facebook page for the last week and after multiple requests for the recipes, I've decided to share them here. I will say this, however, one element that has added to our success with meal time is that we are sitting down together, TV OFF, and eating as a family. (Those of you who were already doing this, stop judging me - and Mom, you were right.)

So, I will do this in several posts (yay, it's like a mini series!!!), b/c this is time consuming and I like to hang with my kids, but here's the first one.....  (And no, I don't have "exact measurements" for any of this. I'm not Martha Stewart, so use your best judgement.) 

"Twisty Noodles"

This is a baked pasta casserole and has, so far, been the favorite. This recipe will fill a deep 9x13 casserole dish. 

In a pot combine one jar of Classico Florentine Spinach and Cheese pasta sauce (this has spinach, tomatoes, onion, and all kinds of other awesome veggies in it and it tastes so yummy), one can of Hunts four cheese pasta sauce and one larger can of Hunt's Tomato paste. Then add a tablespoon or so of minced garlic, sprinkle in some onion powder and Italian seasoning and cook until the entire thing is hot throughout and is all the same consistency. Then turn the heat to LOW and simmer. It can sit like this on the heat for hours so just leave it alone for the most part, but you should stop and stir it once in a while to keep it from sticking on the bottom. 

In a large skillet brown 1-1.5 lbs of lean ground turkey adding again some minced garlic, onion powder and Italian seasoning. Drain away any fat or juices (but don't rinse it) and then add the meat to your sauce. The sauce can still just hang out on the heat. 

While the sauce is simmering and getting tasty, boil some water. You'll be cooking two boxes of Mueller's Hidden Veggie twisted elbows (hence the name, "Twisty Noodles"). These are awesome, b/c unlike many other "veggie noodles" your kids will not have any idea these have veggies in them. They've got corn, carrot and squash in the pasta and your kids will never know the difference. Seriously. I promise. Neither will you!! You're welcome. 

Once the noodles are cooked, put them in a bowl. Then add 8 oz of skim milk ricotta cheese and 1 cup of low fat or fat free mozzarella, stir it up until the noodles are coated and put them in the baking dish. Now, add your sauce. Do this by large ladles. You may not have room in your baking dish for all the pasta or for all the sauce, so use your best judgement. You can also do this in two smaller dishes and freeze one (yay Pyrex) so you can have a quick warm dinner later in the week. Stir all the noodles around so that there's plenty of sauce coating all of them and in all the corners of the dish. Sprinkle just a little more mozzarella on top (just a little, like 1/4 cup or less, seriously, don't kill how healthy this by over doing the cheese, you don't need it, I promise!!!) and bake it at 375 degrees until the cheese on top looks a little bubbly (or until it's all warm). (You can skip the baking step if you're starving or run out of time, but it does seem to pull it together nicely and melt all the cheese really well.)

Then, put it in some bowls and eat up. :) 

It's amazing, healthy, fairly low calorie for a pasta dish (which is why I said chill out on the cheese, kittens), and everyone in your house will LOVE it. 

Stay tuned for round two where we make Sweet Potato Fries. :) :) .....